Ludays

Allow yourself to be silly because life can be too serious

WHIMSICAL

Uhh Happy New Year! 2024 was a hell of a year. I experienced so much mental hardship and my emotions were all of over the place to the point that my physical was not reflecting me. I lost myself, and when you’re in the thick of it, it gets hard to really find yourself. I was in mourning of past versions of myself to the point I allowed my present self to drown and wallow away. It was a crazy experience because most of the time I couldn’t recognize myself. This resulted in me hiding, like a game of hide and seek, but no seeking, ABSOLUTELY NO SEEKING! This version of the game was so popular in my household, stemming from all of my trauma. I was not in the headspace to really understand what I was going through, nor did I want to, so I hid. At the time, I thought that was best for me, but now that I have addressed a whole lot, boy was I wrong. I realized that was not the best course of action and I did not deserve to treat myself like that. Once I allowed myself to be free from the restraints I placed on me, life didn’t feel like it needed to be serious all the time. I found that finding myself, whether it’s old or new parts of me, is so fun. I decided to be that silly little girl again and the sun started shining, the sun from Teletubbies to be exact.

Issa is a revolutionary to me, making way for black girls all over to feel free to do what we want, no matter what society thinks. In “Awkward Black Girl”, Issa introduces us to her rhymes and later carried that into “Insecure”, where so many of us would laugh and relate to her bars that she performed in the mirror. I never really rapped off the dome because I genuinely believe I would not make a good rapper. There was a part of me that would overthink it and i’d go as far as not allowing myself to do it because it felt too silly and embarrassing. Ooohhh she’s STRICT! Imagine, even in private, if I would start, I would stop IMMEDIATELY! Like girl calm down, not allowing yourself to express even in private?!?!?! Being like that in your own home, how diabolical. So I challenged myself to just do it, look in that mirror and rap, don’t think, just do it. At first, I had to let loose because I was doing that thing where I would overthink and start judging myself. A little shimmy here and a little sprinkle there, I got in the booth and it was timeee! This reminded me that overthinking will keep you from exploring what life has to offer. I did it, I recorded it, and I transcribed it for my archive.

This post has little to do with rapping but everything with finding joy in the silly moments. Allow yourself to be whimsical and do whatever your heart desires. Something as little as rapping in the mirror got me in the spirit to write again.